Please Press Pause

It is late again. I should be in bed. My family has been asleep for hours. Sometimes I think it is important to sacrifice sleep to give myself the space to think. I have been looking back through some of my past entries. I went way back to the beginning when it was just Audrey and Rachel. My life felt so much simpler then. I have been blessed with many sweet moments in my life. That is really what it is all about. The problem is, those moments slip through my fingers like sand. I think that is why I love photographs so much. They have the ability to freeze time.

I can't believe how fast time is passing. I remember being a young child and feeling like the week was never going to end, feeling like morning would never come, or that my Birthday was an eternity away. I remember being 15 and thinking I would never be able to drive or date. Here I am married for nine years with four beautiful children and a whole lot more "stuff" to take care of than I would care to admit to myself. Some days I just want to move out to the country with my family and get away from it all!

Audrey is really growing up. She really feels like she should be considered one of the grown ups and that all of the rest of her siblings are still little kids. It is killing me! I know that I was EXACTLY the same way as a kid so pay back should be brutal. I hate that she doesn't want to play dollhouse anymore with Rachel or watch cartoons. I am having a hard time embracing this new Independence that she is discovering. She is so smart. If this is any indication of how I am going to respond I am in big trouble.

I just love my babies. They are so sweet, they can't get into too much trouble, I have quite a bit of control over what they watch and wear and eat. They are small enough to lift into the air and their cheeks are soft and kissable! I am really going to miss that. I am so glad I believe in eternity because I don't think I could bear the idea that the clock was ticking toward some kind of permanent end. For now, I just wish I could press pause. Everyone is healthy, everyone is happy, there is lots of love.