We interrupt this wonderful recap of our magical summer to bring you REALITY. These last few days have been a challenge. They haven't been a challenge in any extraordinary way, just daily challenges we all face. Rachel is not doing well in school. It is hard to explain why such a bright mind cannot manifest itself in the classroom. She really is an independent thinker in every sense. When she was told that there was a pattern in her math homework, she went with it. Rather than look at the problems to solve them and then create a pattern with the answers, she just jumped off of the first answer and created a pattern all her own. Don't mind the math problems, I'm not sure what she thought they had to do with anything. She just went with it, 7-8-9-10, 5-4-3-2-1, and so on. She always has an explanation as to how she arrived at certain incorrect answers on her worksheet. They are always very logical but with no regard to the given directions. Her spelling is completely inconsistent and I often wonder what other things her mind must be doing while she is testing.
Then there is Audrey, she has turned into a social butterfly, as if she weren't born into this world that way. We were fortunate enough to have a cute little nine year old girl more in across the street. It has been wonderful but now my life revolves around their fourth grade social calendar. We have kids flocking to the cul-de-sac at all hours and it is a constant battle to pin their fluttering wings to the ground. She has been taking more ballet and is doing really well. They would like her to take three times a week so that she can be on their invitation only company but so far we are only doing twice a week. It is hard to know when to say yes to talent and when to say no to over scheduling.
Adam is having a lot of fear and anxiety. Today he ran to the neighbors house while I was in the bathroom because he got scared when he couldn't find me. Everything in life is an injustice! "It's not fair to be five!" he shouts. "I always have to be second!" to bed that is. "The girls get to go to school for 100 days!" It is an interesting exercise to navigate his tender feelings and anger.
Claire is refusing to potty train! She simply will not cooperate. When the girl knows what she wants or doesn't want, you may as well just get out of her way. I am struggling as a Mother of four to keep up with all of these little personalities while maintaining some sense of my own identity as a person and some consistency as a wife.
I'm tired.
I am constantly battling with trying to keep things clean and organized and make sure that everyone has everything they need. I worry about the things that my children are struggling with and will struggle with in the future and what I can do to help them. Sometimes I get tired of playing the supporting role all of the time in my life.
I keep reminding myself how fortunate I am to be here to be up to the challenge. A close friend of mine lost her 36 year old sister to breast cancer this week. I have been thinking about just how lucky I am to be here in my life. What a gift it is. I had a conversation today that really changed my perspective. A friend of mine was talking about the different between "true" and "truth." There are a lot of "true" things in my life that may not add up to the "truth." The truth comes from understanding an eternal perspective, having faith and beieving in Heavenly Father and his plan for our lives. True things are in the details of our day to day. Is it true the my house is a mess and that I can never be on time for anything? Is it true that my laundry is backed up into the middle of next week? Is it true that my daughter is failing the second grade? Is it true that I was in my pajamas until 4:00 today? But the truth is, my children feel loved each day. They are being taught the gospel of Christ, and we are doing our absolute best most of the time. I'm going to try to hang on to the "truth" in my life and quit emphasizing all of the things in my head that while very true, are not the truth.
11 hours ago
