An Enormous Blessing!

First I want to personally thank each of you who have been praying in our behalf. We feel very blessed! We spoke to Rachel's doctor today and received good news. We still have some hurdles to overcome but the future looks much brighter than it did. Dr. Huh said that he did not see any other "lesions" (a physical change in a body part that is the result of illness or injury) in the MRI scan that they did yesterday. However, he said that he did not feel like they have got a "clear margin" around the tumor and that they are probably going to need to go back in for another surgery to take out more of the tissue that was surrounding the tumor so that they can be more confident that they got all of the cancer out. If they can be confident that they have gotten a clear margin then she may not even have to do chemo or radiation!!!!! Yeah!!!!! The only variable is that they have to do a CT scan of her chest to make sure that it has not spread to her lungs (which would change everything). So, I will be praying my heart out that they do not find anything in her chest! I am feeling hopeful because the doctor told me that they really start to worry about the tumors once they are 5 cm or larger. Rachel's tumor was a little less than 1 cm. Due to the size of the tumor the doctor doesn't anticipate finding anything in her chest.
I cannot accurately describe the feelings that I have had or the images I have seen in the last week! This has been the most humbling experience I have ever had! Please continue to keep Rachel in your prayers. We will be meeting with the surgeon on Monday and she will be having her CT scan on Tuesday morning. If that comes back clear then we will be able to schedule the surgery. Obviously the idea of this spreading to her lungs is frightening. It is my greatest hope that this has not happened. Thank you so much for your love and support. We love and appreciate you.



Yesterday . . .

Yesterday I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I couldn't read any emails or blog about my day. The day started out great. Rachel and I had received blessings the previous night from our Bishop and I was feeling hopeful and more at peace. When I walked into the Pedi center, I was greeted by familiar faces and warm smiles. There wasn't such a dark cast on the room as there had been the day before. The pedi center is amazing. They have a playroom where they have toys and crafts. They have paints and even get their own play dough that they keep in the closet for when they come (So they don't spread germs.) They even had a music teacher come in today to teach the kids that were there waiting for various treatments and appointments. The music class was great. The teacher brought in a bunch of instruments and let the kids all play together. Rachel was having a great time. Anyway, back to yesterday . . .
We had to wait an excruciatingly long time for her MRI. We were late for our appointment due to the horrendous traffic that is plaguing Houston since the hurricane. What used to take 45 minutes is now taking 2 hours and 45 min! Because we were late, we got bumped and had to wait for two hours! She had to get an IV put in and she was so brave about it! She was a trooper while we waited. We colored and learned letters, told stories, and cuddled while we waited. I was just trying hard to keep her mind off of the fact that she was in a hospital and surrounded by grief and sickness. We finally got her in for her MRI and the nurses were so great. They were very sweet with the way that they interacted with Rachel. They are very good at minimizing the "fear factor" for the children. I was surprised when they actually brought us into the room with the MRI machine before she was put under anesthesia. Rach was pretty freaked out about the MRI machine and said, "mommy, what is that gonna do?" I told her that it was like a giant camera that was going to take her picture. The nurses had her distracted in no time with an oxygen mask with a penguin on the front. I hate watching her go under anesthesia. It is not a fun thing to see your child's eyes roll back! After she was asleep they got started and I headed down to get some lunch.
When I was walking down the hallway I saw two grown men on their cell phones, one on one end of the hall and one on the other and they were both crying! It is not every day that you see a grown man cry. Those are the kinds of things you see every day there! I teared up a little but I was still feeling pretty good about everything. After lunch I headed to the MRI waiting area and that's when everything changed!
I sat down across from a beautiful, seven year old, little girl. She was wrapped in a pink fleece blanket and all I could see was her sweet little face on her pillow and her shaved head. I could see her wincing from pain. Her mom was on her cell phone and I could hear the little girl complaining about her back hurting and her leg. That's when she looked up at me and with the saddest eyes I've ever seen whispered, "I'm in pain." I looked at her and said, "I know, I'm so sorry." Then she closed her eyes and appeared to be going to sleep. After her mom got off of the phone I started talking to her about her daughter's condition and quality of life. She had a tumor in her arm that spread to her muscles, lungs, and then everywhere. She is a terminal patient. I was trying to choke back the tears and then the little girl got up off of her chair and started making her way towards me. Her mom asked her where she was going and she just kept right on moving in my direction. She got close to me and reached out her arms and gave me a giant hug! The instant I felt her frail little arms around my neck the flood gates opened and I could no longer hold back the tears! She then turned around, went back to her chair, and closed her eyes. Her mom then told me that she likes to hug everyone because she thinks she is a healer. Right then they called my name and said that it was time for me to go back to see Rachel. I stood up and felt like I was going to fall right back down into my chair I was so overcome with emotion. When I walked passed the little girls mom she said, "it gets easier." I looked at her with tears streaming down my face and I said, "it looks to me like it just gets harder." Then I walked passed this sweet black woman on my way out the door and she looked at me and said, "just look to Jesus baby." I stood out in the hall and pulled myself together and I was off to get my little Rach.
I did not stop feeling weak for the next two hours. I could not get that image out of my mind. I have been so overcome by the tragedy that people have in their lives. I vowed I will never complain about doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, being pregnant, or any of the other everyday "privilages" that I have as a mother! Our children are so precious and we can get so caught up in selfish, petty concerns that we do not give them the love that they deserve.
I have not been sleeping well and have had virtually no appetite this passed week. When I walked into the clinic this morning to find out the results for Rachel I was so nervous. Even water felt like it was spoiling in my stomach. There were more families, each with another story to tell. While we were waiting everyone in the clinic suddenly started clapping and cheering. I did not know what was going on so I asked a lady who was sitting in front of me and she explained that there was a little boy who had finished his treatments and was in remission. When I looked into the middle of the crowd I saw him clinging to his Mother's leg and crying! Again, I started bawling and couldn't stop. The lady in front of me asked if I was okay and I told her how afraid I was. She got up and put her arm around me as I cried. I was a complete mess inside until we got in to speak with the doctor. James came with me today and I was so grateful to have him there!
I am reluctant to feel so but I am extremely relieved for the time being. I will continue to pray that Rachel will get good news. Please pray for her to get a clear result on her CT scan so that we can go ahead with surgery and have the hope of not undergoing chemotherapy. I feel so blessed and I know that the Lord has heard and answered our prayers.